Reconciliation During Divorce

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Contrary to popular belief, reconciliation during divorce does happen. When couples headed for a split realize that ending the marriage would be a mistake, they can choose to terminate proceedings. Marital discord brought on by infidelity, chronic illness, or economic woes can threaten to dismantle a happy home. Desperate couples may feel the only recourse is to separate or file for divorce. But the decision to permanently dissolve a union that has taken decades to build can be reversed. Reconciliation is an option for troubled partners who believe there is a chance to put the marriage back together again. The process is relatively simple, but involves legal, economic, and emotional ramifications. Accounts must be settled with attorneys involved in divorce proceedings. If a formal separation agreement has been filed with the court prior to petitioning, a second agreement revoking the petition for dissolution of marriage must be signed, notarized and also filed. "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11).

The first phase of reconciliation during divorce begins with the realization that permanently ending the marriage is not the best recourse. Couples may have discussed the pros and cons of terminating the marriage, including feelings of affection that are still evident, potential economic hardship, and the impact of divorce on dependent children and teens. The decision to dissolve a marriage, especially when children are concerned, is not an easy one. Emotional attachments and affection formed over decades are not easily abandoned, even when there is infidelity. Couples who have been together for an extended period of time have faced life's triumphs and challenges, such as the birth of a child or the loss of elderly parents; and those kinds of experiences are irreplaceable. Staying up all night with a sick youngster, celebrating birthdays, planning for the future and remembering the past are all facets of family life that make marriage worthwhile.

Since filing for divorce is a legal procedure, the Petition for Dissolution of Marriage must be revoked. Upon notifying the attorney, couples determined to seek reconciliation during divorce may sign and file an agreement revoking the action and file it with the court, along with a motion to dismiss divorce proceedings. Partners should be prepared to pay the lawyer for consultation and filing fees incurred to date, a small price to pay for a lifetime of renewed commitment. If the couple filed a legal formal separation agreement while awaiting dissolution proceedings, that paperwork must also be revoked with a signed, notarized statement. Formal separation agreements, if required by the state, may have stipulated how jointly owned or community property would be divided and assets distributed. Since an informal separation, mutually agreed upon by husbands and wives, does not involve filing paperwork with the courts; couples simply decide to live in the same residence again and resume marital relations.

One of the drawbacks to reconciliation during divorce proceedings, whether involving a formal or informal separation, is that one or both spouses may have to terminate a lease acquired while awaiting a final decree. While moving back in eliminates the expense of running two households, landlords frown on those who break leases. In many cases, lessees lose all or part of a deposit. Backing out of a rental agreement due to reconciliation during divorce also involves disconnecting utilities such as electric, water, cable, Internet, and landline phone. But, again, the headache and cost of leaving a rented home for a permanent dwelling with one's spouse and family is miniscule compared to the joy of reconciling.

While there are legal responsibilities to end dissolution proceedings, the emotional ramifications of reconciliation during divorce must also be dealt with. Partners should be cautious about opening up old wounds that may have contributed to the marriage's demise. Both spouses may feel like walking on pins and needles until a level of comfort is regained. There is no perfect way to get over the past; and each couple has will deal with different issues differently. Forgiveness and forgetfulness will play a major role in renewing vows of faithfulness and genuine affection. Partners brought back from the verge of ending a marriage need time to reassess priorities and share innermost feelings. If discussing delicate issues causes an argument, husbands and wives may consider counseling while the process of reconciliation during divorce continues. Discussing concerns with a neutral third party might facilitate healing from old wounds and past transgressions.

The fun part of reconciliation during divorce is rekindling the romance. Rebuilding a lifelong relationship between husbands and wives is much like wearing a favorite pair of shoes: they grow more comfortable with age and are much less trouble than breaking a new pair in. Couples should build on the best of the past and look forward to beginning a new life with renewed hope for future happiness. The storms of marital discord have been weathered and now, there is only smooth sailing into what might prove to be a blissful reunion. Husbands and wives who have endured the emotional, economic, and legal pressures of dissolution proceedings need time away from friends and family to reassess the relationship and learn how to fully love one another again. Taking an intimate cruise or second honeymoon to a tropical isle can rekindle the flames of marital romance; and putting the past behind can pave the way for marital success the second time around.

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