Reconciliation During Separation

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Not uncommon, reconciliation during separation is possible for couples who still love one another in spite of marital difficulties. Most couples get married with the idea that life will go on happily ever after. But marriage is not a fairy tale; it requires a lifelong commitment to endure in spite of sickness and health, poverty and wealth until death severs husband from wife. When the pressures of every day life threaten to dismantle a happy home, couples may resolve to separate. But a separation can sometimes provide the opportunity to take a step back and assess the positive and negative aspects of a relationship. Some husbands and wives contemplating divorce may realize that the marriage is worth fighting for. By being open to reconciling differences, it is possible to push past conflict to experience the love, joy and harmony partners once knew. "And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins" (I Peter 4:8).

Marital turmoil is like a torrential rain, pelting husbands and wives with a myriad of emotions from distrust, rejection, insecurity and accusations. Two major areas of conflict include faithfulness and finances. But couples in crisis often become so deluged with strife and confusion that it is impossible to pinpoint the origin of discord. Sometimes soliciting the aid of a neutral third party to mediate can help partners achieve reconciliation during separation and avoid divorce. A marriage mediator may be an attorney, licensed relationship counselor, or clergy certified to help estranged husbands and wives see eye to eye. Working with a mediator, couples can begin to share the same perspective or discuss differences without arguments or accusations. In cases of infidelity, experienced secular or spiritual counselors will help offended spouses forgive and try to forget act the offender. Spouses guilty of adultery may be advised to seek individual counseling and certainly, to refrain from future involvement with an illicit lover.

When money is the root cause of marital mayhem, husbands and wives can achieve reconciliation during separation by soliciting a financial adviser. A certified public accountant, debt counselor, financial planner or banker can help a troubled family consolidate past due accounts, make payment arrangements with creditors, establish savings or retirement accounts, or apply to restructure mortgages and avoid foreclosure. When husbands and wives get more control over family finances there is a greater sense of security and less bickering. Couples may find that once the specter of financial failure has been eradicated, love and harmony can be restored and reconciliation during separation is a natural consequence.

Men and women must realize that marriage is the ultimate partnership. It takes two people willing to give and willing to take in order for the relationship to last. Reconciliation during separation can awaken couples to the fact that each partner brings valuable assets to the marriage that are complementary and make up the whole. If a husband lacks the maturity to handle the family finances, the wife may be able to become the household banker. Similarly, a wife who has been unfaithful may still possess qualities that are very much needed for the relationship to succeed. While poor money management and infidelity are hard pills to swallow, with the help of a secular or spiritual mediator, couples can find peace and common ground to begin again.

The process of reconciliation during separation begins with forgiveness and a determination to try to make the marriage work. Husbands and wives should work toward releasing a guilty partner from bondage to past transgressions, while offending spouses must vow to avoid all appearances of impropriety. Trust can only be restored when both parties keep the promise to work diligently towards forgiveness and faithfulness. But rebuilding a broken relationship takes time and patience. Old wounds may be slow to heal, but a consistent and genuine effort to achieve reconciliation during separation can speed the healing process Troubled couples can begin with an occasional date to share feelings and test the emotional waters. Dating casually is the first step toward rekindling romantic interest. "After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:9-15).

Once ex-spouses are sure of a decision to move forward with reconciliation during separation, certain actions must be taken to reaffirm the marriage. In the event of a legal separation pending a divorce decree attorneys for both parties must contacted; and a notarized statement filed with the court which will annul the formal separation and stop divorce proceedings. Couples may incur legal and filing fees, but that is a small price to pay to save a marriage. Husbands and wives living in separate households may also lose security and utility deposits or be required to settle broken leases. Partners will want to inform family and friends of their decision to reconcile. Renewing wedding vows in a civil or religious ceremony is the perfect way to celebrate a new beginning. After reconciliation, couples must be determined to not look back on the past but move steadily forward. Past pain, rejection and transgressions do not have to become part of the future.

How To Date After Divorce

Knowing when and how to date after divorce depends on several factors: the mental or emotional state of an ex-spouse, the availability of unattached individuals, personal objectives in dating, and whether or not children are involved. For newly estranged men or women the decision to begin seeing other people will depend largely on how emotionally attached they were to a former mate. Even though the relationship may have been tumultuous, meeting and interacting with new people can be frightening and challenging. The best time to begin seeking a new romantic interest or just someone to see casually is when a divorcee is sufficiently healed from the hurt of a former marriage. Timing is important because it is virtually impossible to build a new relationship based on the hurts and wounds of an old one. It is unfair to make a potential partner suffer for an ex-spouse's faults.

When there is no painful residual of bitterness, resentment, anguish or self-pity, a divorcee may be emotionally stable enough to venture out and seek companionship. Hurting hearts can be healed through the power of prayer and a willingness to forgive: "After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:9-15).

Former spouses who want to know how to date after divorce should first determine what they want in a companion or future spouse. Making a list of favorable qualities may make finding Mr. or Ms. Right easier. Everyone has preferences from height to complexion to what kind of employment or hobbies a prospective mate or date has. The availability of unattached individuals will determine how successful the search will be. Internet dating provides a plethora of eligible bachelors and bachelorettes. Joining an online dating service might be the first step in finding a potential companion. The World Wide Web offers opportunities to meet men and women without investing time and money or emotions. Registering on an Internet dating site is simple. Just provide basic information on an electronic form and online matchmakers will search a database to suggest several potential partners. Following up on leads is strictly a personal decision--either respond to inquiries or keep on browsing. Once an online contact with a potential companion is made, it is up to the individuals to determine how to date after divorce in person or via the telephone or email to see if they are compatible. Some couples are matches made in heaven, while others may be just the opposite. The beauty of online dating is that singles can continue surfing until a suitable date is found.

Determining how to date after divorce also depends on an individual's objective in wanting to meet someone. Men or women rebounding from a bad marriage may simply want companionship for an occasion cup of coffee with no expectations of remarriage. However, some ex-spouses may not adjust well to the single life and may seek a more permanent relationship. While online matchmaking services offer more potential mates, narrowing the field may require soliciting the help of close family and friends. When an ex-spouse is ready to meet new people; family, coworkers, friends and church members may be the best allies. That is because close associates are sufficiently familiar with the divorcee's lifestyle, personality, and individual habits. Double dating or going Dutch-treat with a friend of a friend, a coworker's cousin, or a church member's brother is a way to break the ice and get back on the dating scene without a major commitment of time or emotions.

Knowing how to date after divorce also involves knowing how far to become invested emotionally in a new relationship. Divorcees must acknowledge the fact that their feelings may be raw, and they may feel the urge to become physically close with someone of the opposite sex. But newly single individuals should establish boundaries that will offer protection from getting romantically involved too quickly. Women may be especially vulnerable and must realize that all men may not have pure motives. Some may just want a roll in the hay or others, even on Internet dating sites, may be married or just looking for a brief affair. It may be old fashioned, but singles should be careful not to become easy marks for a sexual encounter. Because of the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases, males and females should refrain from becoming prey to partners who only want a fleeting relationship for sexual gratification. Being "easy" only leads to more pain, rejection, and regret. It pays to be prayerful about how to date after divorce and stay on guard against predators or promiscuous partners.

Church used to be the best place for divorcees seeking how to date after divorce, but not everyone who warms a pew is a good potential mate. It does not hurt to research someone's background or ask around to find out if a new interest is worth pursuing. Good men and women are hard to find, but it takes patience, prayer and perseverance to meet the right one. Waiting on the heart to heal after a bad marriage; enrolling in a reputable online dating service, asking family and friends for potential leads, and prayerfully seeking God for guidance on how to date after divorce, will help newly single men and women find love the second time around.



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