How To Avoid Fights In Marriage

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Sound advice on how to avoid fights in marriage can be found in the Holy Bible. Couples seeking to establish and maintain peace must learn how to apply biblically-based instruction on avoiding marital conflict. The cause of any argument is the failure of two or more individuals to agree. But if partners can ever come to a consensus, there would be no basis for disagreement; and therefore, no foundation for a fight! The Bible explicitly states, "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3). The key to marital harmony then, according to scripture, is for husbands and wives to strive to (1) cultivate a spirit of agreement, (2) listen and learn to reason together, and (3) refrain from faultfinding and accusation.

Understanding God's purpose for marriage can be an impetus for husbands and wives to learn how to avoid fights in marriage and work towards cultivating consistent agreement. Ordained by God, matrimony is a vehicle whereby He makes two completely different individuals one; first through the physical union of flesh, or consummation. "The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:3-6).

Secondly, God works in individual mates to conform individual wills to His and then to each others. The magic of marriage is that husbands and wives are not only united in the flesh, but also united in mind and in spirit as the love deepens and matures. Couples who have been together for several decades not only look alike, but also think alike. As the marital bond is strengthened, long term partners lose individuality. The longevity of the union is evidence that somewhere along the years, husbands and wives discovered how to avoid fights in marriage through the power of agreement! "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven" (Matthew 18:19).

The spirit of agreement that fosters harmony comes from a genuine love. The Greek word for marital or passionate love is eros. With this kind of love, couples seek only to please one another. They strive for constant harmony and a continual exchange of mutual affection. Husbands and wives who have discovered how to avoid fights in marriage are adept at agreeing over the slightest thing because neither insists on having his or her way. The importance of winning an argument or having the last word no longer matters. Senseless power struggles that gender strife cease when spouses realize when either partner wins, both share the victory. The willingness to forfeit personal desires for the good of a mate is crucial; and those who have mastered the art of agreement reap the benefits of a happy, enduring marriage.

Some wives would argue, "But, he doesn't understand!" And husbands sometimes insist, "But, she doesn't understand!" Learning how to avoid fights in marriage has very little to do with understanding, but very much to do with a couple's ability to yield in love. And that does not mean allowing a partner to selfishly exert his or her will at the expense of another. Nor does compromising mean becoming a doormat. The goal of agreement is not to gain an understanding, but to understand the importance of maintaining marital harmony without compromising personal desires or standards.

If couples will learn how to avoid fights in marriage, they must also discover how to listen and reason together. As they discuss the pros and cons of ideas, decisions and choices without becoming defensive, both will come up with the same conclusion. If differing opinions threaten to provoke an argument, couples should table discussions until both are calm. What enables couples to reason and come to a consensus, but love? While most husbands like pleasing their wives, men can be very analytical. On the other hand, wives tend to be more emotional in making decisions. The key is achieving a middle ground while striving to ensure that both partners are satisfied and each has ample input in decision making based on individual preferences. That is called compromise; and the willingness to compromise comes from genuine love.

When reasoning together leads to hot tempers and accusations, couples should stop and reevaluate motives, return to sensibilities, and apply sound principles on how to avoid fights in marriage. The Bible states, "A soft answer turns away wrath." Couples should never allow individual passions to peak to the point of faultfinding and accusations. Young and old couples are prone to blaming one another for past mistakes or failures. But spouses should consider how accusations can injure. God's Word directs us to "Be ye angry, but sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath (Ephesians 4:26). Belittling a loved one, bringing up past disagreements, or berating a spouse for not agreeing is not how to avoid fights in marriage. But, by answering softly and maintaining a certain level of mutual respect, couples can reach the same conclusion without sacrificing a harmonious union.

How To Compromise In Marriage

How to compromise in marriage involves problem solving, communicating truth, getting help when problems become to big for both partners, and being respectful of one another. Good marriages do not just happen. Both adults must be committed to making things work. Often there are big issues that must be tackled immediately. Sometimes the smaller issues are never resolved and this can cause problems later on because couples become resentful and often feel hopeless. Every relationship has different types of problems because the circumstances can be unique. However, if partners agree early on in their relationship to be honest with one another and to do whatever it takes to resolve conflicts then there is a much better chance for success. Couples who have learned how to compromise in marriage are much better off than those who have not. We cannot always have our way. We cannot always be in complete control. Human beings have limitations. The best way to keep the candle burning is to take our problems to God, to put Him first, and to seek help from Christian sources when it becomes necessary. "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Sometimes as human beings we can get wrapped up in our own individual differences and forget that our spouse has his own ideas about things and those ideas may be different from our own. Couples usually learn early on what these major differences are especially on subjects such as money, raising children, religion, and politics. Hopefully we have talked these important subjects over with our partners before marriage so that we know if the differences could cause conflicts. Mates often come to the place where they must learn how to compromise in marriage in order to avoid separation and even divorce. There needs to be a place where two people can meet and then decide what is best for both. When there is no compromise then trouble and strife is usually the result.

Every person is unique. He or she has a body, a soul, a mind, and a culture. Every person comes from a unique family background, has different needs, and expectations. In addition, he or she will have their own individual standards of ethics and beliefs. The main areas where couples must learn how to compromise in marriage have to do with things that are important to them. Some sources say that people who wed that have a lot in common seem to do better in their marriages compared to those who have fewer things in common. Issues that are important to mates can cause a rift, a block in communication. Mates must work everyday to rectify these issues by realizing that compromise may be necessary. We should be willing to give focus where it is needed and have an open mind when the situation calls for it.

No one wants to be in a dysfunctional relationship. Couples who are dysfunctional will probably find that they are working in opposite directions. There has to be a point where spouses decide that it is time to come together as one. This is the way that God intended for a married to thrive, through unity and agreement. How to compromise in marriage means that both adults need to be willing to make concessions and find a place where an agreement is possible. This involves respecting one another and putting the other person at the top of the list when it comes to priorities. We must all realize that no one person is always right. That spot belongs only to God.

Listening is a big deal and should be given some careful consideration. Not taking the time to really listen to what your spouse is saying can be harmful to a relationship. We need to give our undivided attention to our better half. Be considerate, ask for his or her undivided attention and then you do the same when it comes time. With our spouse we want to talk about our dreams and we want our mate to be excited about the things that we are excited about. How to compromise in marriage is not about giving up one's dreams or plans but instead learning to cherish those things in each other. A person who does not have any plans for the future can become depressed and unhappy. Mates should stir up one another to strive for making dreams a reality even when they are not convenient or they do not make sense.

Being in love has a tendency to make us downplay our mate's negative points. How to compromise in marriage is not even on our minds when we first get into a relationship. We love that person so much that nothing could deter us from tying the knot. Then after the honeymoon reality may start to set in. Most adults want their mates to be willing to compromise but may find out that the person they've married is more selfish than selfless. Partners who have this problem may need to seek out a mediator or marriage counselor. A mediator can talk to both mates and help each to acknowledge the importance of meeting halfway. If a spouse has become accustomed to getting his or her own way most of the time there may be some difficulty in resolving conflicts. Pray and seek God. Read God's Word on a daily basis. God's Word helps to renew our minds. Put God first in all decisions and pray for one another. Showing unconditional love can help mates to learn how to compromise in marriage.



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