Surprisingly, divorce for abused men may be more common than one would think. Contrary to the popular belief that domestic violence only occurs against women, males are also victims of spousal abuse. But due to the shame or stigma, female initiated assault on men is an under reported crime. The reason is the stereotypical viewpoint society has regarding women. Domineering wives may appear to be docile in public but often abuse their husbands privately, torturing them into submission. Mistreatment can range from inflicting physical harm to extreme emotional and psychological battering, rape, and sexual enslavement. Males subjected to constant berating or physical beating may become overly docile and introverted, or resort to violence themselves, expressing rage in situations where they feel more in control. These kinds of perverse marital relationships can so denigrate a man that living under the same roof with an abuser becomes unbearable. Divorce for abused men thus offers a way of escape from a troubled marriage. Several scriptures in the Book of Proverbs address the issue of abusive wives: "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house" (Proverbs 21:9). "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman" (Proverbs 21:19). "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands" (Proverbs 14:1).
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, but there are females who inflict pain on loved ones for several perverted reasons. In some cases, women who have been victims of childhood or sexual abuse at the hands of a father or other male relative may lash out at men they later marry. Some females may adapt a sadomasochistic lifestyle, using sexual favors as reward and punishment against a mate. Other women take a superior role in the marriage, relegating husbands to the subservient status of housekeepers or sex slaves. The end result is a role reversal for the husband and wife and an unhappy home. Sooner or later, men will rebel or the situation may become so violent and volatile that there is no recourse but to separate or actively pursue a divorce for abused men. Many victims of repeated violence may lash out or physically harm an abusive wife. News reports may carry accounts of battered wives, but no one really knows what precipitated the beating. Unfortunately, the real victims in cases where a woman has been beaten or murdered by an irate husband are the children left behind.
Men who seek marital dissolution from an abusive spouse may initially meet opposition from attorneys who may find it difficult to believe wives are capable of perpetuating violence against husbands. The first obstacle in filing divorce for abused men is to find a lawyer that will believe the victim's allegations and provide representation. Once an attorney is convinced of the validity of a case, a Petition for Marital Dissolution must be filed in the victim's county of residence, and the spouse served. If the victim fears retaliation, a temporary order of protection may be issued which prohibits an abusive wife from coming within 1,000 feet of the husband. Other provisions of the protective order might include prohibiting contact with the man's family, coworkers or friends; or demanding that the wife refrain from all contact by telephone, email, text messaging, or verbal interchange.
While a protective shelter for males is rare, husbands may need to move out of the home while filing a divorce for abused men. Psychological or mental health counseling may help victims of domestic violence overcome the shame or stigma of male abuse. Online hot lines or support groups may also offer therapeutic counseling to help husbands regain self-esteem and work through emotionally traumatic episodes. Where children are involved, dads undergoing a divorce for abused men may need to call for a police escort when visiting minor children in a home where domestic violence is likely. Court ordered visitations may also have to be supervised at a neutral location pending litigation.
A divorce for abused men may rectify the problem of being married to a violent woman, but the perpetrator should seek psychological attention. It is against nature for women to inflict psychological, emotional or physical pain on a spouse. Female aggression against husbands is a violation of the commandments of God: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing" (Ephesians 5:22-24). Even after the marriage is dissolved, aggressive women must get help for abnormal behaviors before engaging in another intimate relationship. Behavioral patterns, such as female initiated battering, will only be perpetuated if a former wife fails to seek professional or spiritual help.
Females who perpetrate abusive behavior may also exhibit violence toward children. Even if the kids are not victimized, the emotional trauma of domestic violence, along with the aftermath of divorce for abused men, subjects children to negative influences. Children who routinely observe aggression against their fathers may develop a perverted perspective on male/female relations and become abusers themselves as adults. In extreme cases of domestic violence, male victims might press charges against their abuser and demand that minors be removed from the mother's care to prevent damaging the children mentally or emotionally. Physicians and psychologists may diagnose chemical or mental imbalances or help individuals uncover the root cause of anger and hostility perpetuated against a loved one. Although a marriage filled with extreme aggression seems hopeless, help is available for both the victim and the perpetrator.
Divorce For Abused WomenDivorce for abused women involves finding an experienced attorney who specializes in domestic violence. This may mean finding one who does pro bono work or finding a legal clinic that offers services to battered women. The court may waive filing fees if you are unable to pay. Other expenses to consider having waived are notary fees, subpoenaing witnesses, depositions, transcripts, fees for arresting the abuser, and certified copies of the court order. The court may need to have records provided by you. Divorce for abused women can be very complicated but having a good attorney can help alleviate some of the stress. If custody for children is involved then there will be the need to obtain a temporary order of custody before the proceedings for the divorce. "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind" (1 Corinthians 6:9).
Consider witnesses and write down any names and phone numbers that can help you present your case to the court. Expert witnesses can be neighbors, friends, family, clergy, and anyone who may have witnessed abuse. If children are involved then a teacher or school nurse may be able to testify on your behalf. Divorce for abused women should not be hard to prove if police reports have been written up for every separate incident and there are expert witnesses who will testify in court. In addition, having to go to a shelter in order to get away from the abuser can be used for documentation of occurrences.
A neutral third party can serve as a mediator between the couple in order to help resolve issues so that the divorce for abused women is not long and costly. Once the issues have been identified then the mediator can work towards helping the couple resolve each one. The mediator will then go to the lawyers and see if the agreements can be used in court. When there is abuse involved mediation is not always an option. One reason for this is because the batterer may intimidate the other partner during negotiations. The woman who has been abused may not feel comfortable meeting or talking with the person who has inflicted pain upon her. The woman may be able to request to opt out of the mediation process because of abuse. If the violence has been excessive and weapons have been used or great harm has been done then mediation may not be considered safe.
When children are involved the court will make the determination of custody based upon who the primary caregiver is and who will keep the children safe. Divorce for abused women must be handled by understanding the laws that exists in the state where the violence took place. Considerations for gaining custody include the evidence presented through testimony, documentation, and all accounts of physical or psychological abuse. The most important is the testimony given by witnesses of specific accounts that have to do with your case. What will be considered are the facts that are presented during testimony. The mother needs to show the court that she loves her children, that she has taken good care of them in the past, and is concerned for their safety.
Specific events should be cited in the divorce for abused women. There should be specific times and dates along with exactly what happened. Also, the place where the violence took place is important. The details should be given to the court as to what happened before, during and after the event. Having an outline of events so that nothing is left out is the best way to prepare. The court will most likely want to know what impact each occurrence had on the children, how they were affected both physically and psychologically. A social worker may be appointed to talk with the kids and document any findings. The judge will probably want to know how long the violence has been going on and if there were any weapons involved. If the children have been examined by a doctor because of the violence this documentation or expert testimony will need to be presented as well.
The other party will probably try to contradict the evidence presented in a divorce for abused women. A person should never act unbecomingly in court toward the spouse. If there are allegations from a spouse listen to your attorney on how to handle these. Be prepared for allegations and always tell the truth to the court. Allegations may include specific events where you have neglected the kids or where you are accused of acting immorally in front of them. If there is no guilt involved then do not worry for he will have to prove the allegations that have been made.
The court will consider the parents financial ability to care for the children. The abuser may have a steady income, a way to take care of the children while at work, and have a home to provide them a roof over their heads. If the battered wife has been in a situation where she has had to live in a shelter or with a relative then this may be presented against her in court. However, if the abuse is founded then the court will most certainly not award custody to the person who is guilty no matter how financially capable that person is. You may be awarded spousal support until you can find work and support yourself. Divorce for abused women may be difficult to go through but if a person puts God first and relies on His wisdom and guidance then everything will work out according to His will. Seeking fellowship with other Christians can give one encouragement and support to get through this stressful time.