Overcoming Resentment In Marriage

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Overcoming Resentment in marriage can be accomplished through prayer and faith in God. Sometimes the hurt can be so deep that one can struggle in trying to forgive but in these types of situations Christians need to seek God for the answers. Resentment can destroy a marriage if resolution isn't found. Overcoming resentful feelings requires that we see others in the same way that we imagine God can see them. We must look at the situation from a spiritual point of view realizing that Gods word commands us to forgive others. But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (Matthew 6:15). If a couple is having trouble overcoming resentment in marriage they need to seek Christian counseling and fellowship. It is a choice. We can choose to remain this way and hold a grudge or we can choose to let go and let God. Painful memories can often distort ones determination to forgive and forget. This is a daily walk and those who are burdened down with being hurt can take those painful memories and daily give them to the Lord.

When a person is guilty of forgiveness he or she can become bitter. Bitterness can poison our body, mind, and spirit. This is why forgiveness is so necessary because we are hurting ourselves more than we are hurting those who have wronged us. To hold forgiveness in our hearts can make us sick. Overcoming resentment in marriage is necessary in order to have peace. God can give us the peace that is desired if we put faith in Him. Vindictiveness can lead to lashing out and causing pain against the person who has wronged us. We must rely on God to take vengeance because taking the situation into your own hands will result in sin and more forgiveness.

One of the main reasons that a mate reacts negatively when being hurt has to do with the human ego and innate instincts. The natural response to being attacked is to become defensive. A person could easily feel they need to retaliate in order to survive. Understanding these natural tendencies can help a person when overcoming resentment in marriage. A survival mechanism is an instinctive and reactive response. Also, if the pain comes from being attacked in front of others then a person could easily think that others will think badly of him or her. This has to do with the human ego as well. This is a reaction of the natural and can be an automatic response to pain whether it is physical or mental. Christians need to understand that they can walk in the Spirit on a daily basis and put to death the deeds of the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live (Romans 8:13).

Forgiveness is contrary to the flesh. However, you can find clarity when realizing there are other possibilities contrary to resentment. Instead, talk about how you feel with your spouse and listen to what he has to say as well. Communication can open up a vast amount of possibilities including overcoming resentment in marriage. Maybe he was thinking something about you that wasn't true. Perhaps he jumped to conclusions when he accused you of undermining him. Miscommunications can have a great deal to do with disagreements in a relationship. If you talk about the problem then the solution will be easier to see. If the situations is too volatile to talk about then find a way to release your anger. Go for a walk. Go to the park and talk with the Lord. Realize that you may not understand what is really going on and there needs to be a time when each person can talk openly about his or her feelings.

You may say that the wrong that has been done is too hurtful to forgive. Perhaps ones mate has had a love affair with another woman or man and the pain is so overwhelming that just thinking about it causes strong feelings and emotional responses. When this happens we often try to figure out what we have done wrong to make our mate stray. Most of the time, blame is misplaced is a situation like this. The problem is with the one who strays not the one who has been faithful. He or she has allowed sin to master them. Overcoming resentment in marriage has to do with the truth and ones perspective of the situation. Don't let the mate who has sinned make it your fault. Instead understand that nine times out of ten it is not about the person who is faithful it is all about the one who is not.

Don't be discouraged if forgiveness takes time. Keep on striving everyday to attain forgiveness. Overcoming resentment in marriage may also be about forgiving self. Having thoughts of resentment and anger against another person can load a person down with feelings of guilt. Recognize that human responses are sometimes automatic. The important thing is to repent and ask God to forgive you and then forgive self. Make a choice to do the right thing. If a partner is willing to apologize and ask for forgiveness then the partner who has been wronged should be willing to forgive. Just make the choice and then let it go. Ask God to heal your marriage and He will. Pray together and stay together. Overcoming resentment in marriage can be realized through forgiveness.

Emotional Intimacy In Marriage

Cultivating emotional intimacy in marriage provides the basis for a healthy sexual relationship, is the foundation for a lifelong monogamous bond, and a safeguard against divorce. While many married couples tend to focus mostly on sexual fulfillment, partners who have deep feelings for one another that transcend the physical may tend to stay married longer. Compared to a union based on sexual gratification versus emotional intimacy in marriage, couples who share strong feelings may experience a richer more lasting relationship that better equips them to overcome adversity. The reason is that God created holy matrimony to forge from two distinctly different individuals a single monogamous unit. The spiritual and mental bond of male and female creates an impenetrable lifelong union that is continually nourished by sexual intimacy. But physical intimacy alone does not make a marriage! Couples need to make an investment of love and emotions over time that helps to solidify the marital bond. Becoming mentally, physically, and emotionally dedicated to the marital union helps to ensure it permanence.

Emotional intimacy in marriage develops gradually and is enriched as couples experience life's pleasures and pain together. When husbands and wives are committed to staying married, over time there is an investment of love, patience, caring and affection that cannot be rivaled by sexual gratification alone. Sharing the birth of the first child, the first home, or career successes and failures knits the hearts of husbands and wives, creating an unparalleled closeness. The longer couples stay married the more dependent and complementary they become. As they mature, the passion of youth goes beyond immediate gratification as two become one in thought and deed. Long term life partners begin to live, move and function as two parts of one whole entity, finishing an others sentences, anticipating each others thoughts, and together, contributing to the success of the union by sharing the responsibility to care for one another. The beauty of emotional intimacy in marriage is that it does not end when a husband or wife ceases to have the capacity to perform sexually. A debilitating or chronic illness, lack of libido, or impotence can diminish the capacity to come together. But the marital bond can actually deepen as couples focus on satisfying one another mentally and spiritually when the physical relationship wanes.

Couples who understand the role of emotional intimacy in marriage may be less likely to divorce as they can readily anticipate one an others needs. Husbands who realize that the prelude to a sexual encounter in the bedroom is companionship, communication and engagement in all the other rooms of the house will have no trouble retaining a wife's affection. Most women are sensitive beings who require emotional intimacy in marriage in order to fully engage in sexual intercourse. Men, on the other hand, are more carnal beings. Sexual gratification to a man may or may not depend on how he feels about a woman. A successful union is sustained when the husband tries to meet his wife's need for affection with or without sex; and the wife anticipates her mate's need for gratification with or without the depth of feelings many women require. Understanding the difference between the male and female psyche and having the foresight to combine those two distinctly different desires is what makes matrimony work!

Marriage is a partnership that requires constant communication, collaboration and cooperation between spouses. Newly engaged or long time couples will benefit from attending faith-based premarital counseling sessions, seminars, workshops or retreats that address relevant issues. Studying the Bible together to glean more about what God has to say about matrimony is also a good idea for couples who want to make their marriage better. In the Bible, I Corinthians, Chapter 7 offers solid advice for couples seeking a greater understanding about intimacy and balance in marital relations: "...to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your inconsistency" (I Corinthians 7:2-5).

Maintaining emotional intimacy in marriage also requires both spouses to be flexible. Partners must understand that people change over the years. The man or woman standing at the altar will evolve into an entirely different individual in ten or twenty or thirty years. A female with a Coke bottle figure may eventually turn into a three-liter; while gravity will eventually overtake a statuesque male. Partners who hope to become lifelong lovers must overlook baldness, pot bellies, and lagging libidos to enjoy a fulfilling relationship without unrealistic expectations. Therefore, couples who create an intimate mental bond early in the marriage have a better chance of enduring and embracing the changes that come with aging.

While newlyweds may place more importance on having a healthy sex life; older partners who have been married for two or more decades may discover that a long lasting relationship is not based on sexual gratification alone. Emotional intimacy in marriage provides the foundation for an impenetrable bond that is formed between a man and a woman which is not easily broken. Before husbands and wives can fully enjoy a physical relationship, there must first be a melding of the mind, heart and soul, as each partner willingly and eagerly forfeits life as a single individual. Over time, wedlock can evolve into a mutually fulfilling union which ministers to the heart and soul of every husband and wife through shared experiences and emotions.

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