Christian Anger Management
The tenets of christian anger management involve love, patience, and forgiveness. As a follower of Christ, a person is called to do the Word. The Word is the word of God; the Bible. The Word is written within 66 books that were authored by 40 people over a period of some 1600 years. The Bible illustrates time and time again, in many different ways, how people are to treat one another. People misconstrue and take out of context many scriptures. Often, people merely look at the Word and interpret various scriptures to fit their own agenda. Reading the Bible will give a person some indication of its worth and value for today, but studying the Bible takes a person into greater depths and higher heights. They will more readily understand what is meant by certain passages. Sure, people have free will and can do whatever they please, but the Bible does call us to love our neighbors as ourselves. "For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience: In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them; But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth." (Colossians 3:6-8)
Love is a major component of christian anger management. There are basically four different types of love. Natural love, affinity, or affection toward a family member describes the first type of love. This love is committed, sacrificial, unconditional, and forgiving. Brotherly love is the second type of love. It's the love between good friends. Since a person can make a decided choice of who they will be friends with; this type of love is not as committed or unconditional. The third type of love is called eros (short for erotic). Unlike friends who have a common interest, eros lovers usually do not choose this type of love. This is the type of love when a man and a woman "fall in love." Lastly, there is divine love; often called agape. Divine love overlooks malice and misunderstandings and expects nothing in return. It's not a feeling that just happens; rather it's a choice and commitment for the good of others. Knowing these definitions of love help a person to understand how to love even when someone has offended you. As an element in christian anger management, each person one comes in contact with will need to be placed in one or more of these categories in their minds.
The goal is to love everyone. That would mean practicing agape love. But, without the other two elements of patience and forgiveness, loving everyone would be and major challenge and christian anger management would be impossible to achieve. When a person does not have patience, that means patience must be developed. The way patience is developed is by "being patient." Though it seems like a bit of an oxymoron, the only way to develop patience is to practice patience. Taking it step by step and day by day, a person can slowly evolve from impatient to patient over time. As one considers the small daily inconveniences; a person should reflect on how they deal with them. A prayer in the place of a "colorful expletive" is a good start to christian anger management. Next, would come replacing the negative thoughts about the situation with positive thoughts. Lots of people believe that a person cannot control what they think about. That is absolutely false. The good thing about this step in the process is that as long as a person lives, they will have thoughts. Therefore, there will be many opportunities to develop patience.
Then, there is the forgiveness factor of christian anger management. Some people naturally forgive, easily. For most, on the other hand, there is great difficulty. Practicing forgiveness frees a person to have no guilt or remorse in relationships. It's all about keeping God in the loop. In the model prayer, in the Bible, people are charged to forgive as they have already been forgiven by God. Lots of people believe that unforgiveness or being angry at someone is a way to punish them. In fact, the only person being punished is the punisher. The offender is happily living their life without the "judging eyes and ears" of the punisher reminding them of what an awful person they are. When the punisher relies on christian anger management to help heal those wounds, the anger will automatically subside.
It's a process, not a product. Although there are some who have successful been able to convert their behaviors and exercise self-control immediately; those people are few and far between. For the majority of people, it's an on-going process. There will be slip ups and set backs in developing christian anger management. There is not a person on this planet that does not struggle with anger. Dealing with it, the way the world says to deal with it, can isolate people and cause abandoned relationships. People can hold on to every relationship, have our broken hearts mended, and recover the dignity and self worth torn away by angry outburst. All it takes to get started is a relationship with Jesus. When a person asks Jesus into their hearts and begins to walk with Him, in earnest, life changes. Actually, it's not life that changes, but our response to it. Instead of getting angry over spilled milk, a person will now just get the towel (and the person who spilled the milk) and get down on their knees and clean it up, together.
Adolescent Anger ManagementAdolescent anger management is a necessary step for some teens who have failed to understand the effects of their ire on family members and on members of society. Many teachers in today's public school system in America are quick to acknowledge that many junior high and high school students are carrying anger issues in unparalleled ways. Many students are unafraid of threatening teachers and administrators over seemingly insignificant matters, and fights even between females are common place in school as well as those detailed on YouTube videos. Many parents are actually physically afraid of their children and seek as many opportunities as possible not to anger the children, even to the point of allowing self destructive behavior. Adolescents find themselves facing issues never before confronted in history, and the professionals who are tasked with adolescent anger management must have an intimate understanding of those issues.
The experts that work with young teens will remind us that adolescents are in the first of several hinge times in life. These hinge times are usually when the desire for independence from parents begins to develop as well as moving out for good, getting married and beginning a family and perhaps the empty nest years. And if we are all honest, adults don't always handle these hinge times well either. But for the pre and early teen, they are beginning to feel that parents are keeping them from self expression, they are learning how relationships work and don't work, and they are faced with wondering where and how they fit into the scheme of life. And more than ever before in history, these individuals are being told by the media that the definition of success is based on physical perfection and the possession of riches. The realization that flawless beauty for most is not attainable and money is not easy to come by provides a convenient platform for low self esteem, doubt and worry. All of these complicated issues are a resentment Petri dish and adolescent anger management is an important needed response for many teens.
Most adults will probably agree that their teen years are filled with memories of angry days. It is a natural part of growing and parents shouldn't come unglued at routine episodes. But experts who provide adolescent anger management list some signs that the ire is beyond the usual realm of teen expression. A young person, who begins to become openly defiant of requests by others, demeans parents and others who are in authority and may have actually put holes in walls and doors has a resentment problem beyond ordinary boundaries. Adolescent anger management is required for a teen that has uncontrollable fits of rage or may physically cruel to animals and initiates fights with others. But the other side of explosive anger is anger turned inward, which often is expressed in depression. A loner, who has trouble expressing emotions, is rarely talkative, having few friends and who may appear as a doormat until some final triggering event sets off violent behavior also needs adolescent anger management.
Before a parent puts a great deal of blame on the teen, the wise dad and mom will take the advice of the Bible. "And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonitions of the Lord." (Ephesians, 6:1) Now the verse is addressed to fathers, and it's true, dads are often the first to blow up with an unruly child, but in this culture moms and dads must both live the examined life. Do I do things such as being unreasonable or am I inconsistent in the way I treat my children are great questions to ask oneself. Many parents display undisciplined anger themselves and then wonder why their children do the same. Adolescent anger management, if handled correctly, will also help parents to look at their own anger issues and ways to display positive examples to their children.
Adolescent anger management classes or group therapy will cover the same basic issues no matter where the instruction is given. One of the most important issues to be tackled is helping a teen to get better at handling problems. Role playing and examining actually situations for constructive alternatives can help young people look at situations in ways not considered before. Giving them resources for finding answers to particular dilemmas can go a long way towards defusing an angry spirit. Teaching them to also understand what issues send them ballistic is also a key step in managing destructive behaviors. Adults are often able to recognize when they are entering choppy emotional waters and can either steer clear or identify anger triggers. Giving teens these same abilities are important for maintaining a more balanced emotional life.
A lot of people, both adults and teens will give the excuse that when someone pushes the right buttons they go crazy and there is nothing they can do about it. That excuse for an uncontrollable rage is symptomatic of American culture. Few of any people actually want to take personal responsibility for their actions. But in fact the heart and soul of cognitive therapy, an important part of anger management counseling, is grounded in getting the client to accept the fact that his emotions and reactions to those emotions are a decision. In many ways, that understanding of personal responsibility goes back to the training and upbringing received from parents. A parent who can admit wrong and ask for forgiveness from his or her children on a regular basis is a strong deterrent to an enraged and uncontrolled teen.